And so we meet again, Dear Blog.

13 weeks ago, I left you. I had no idea that I would be leaving you for so long. I thought for sure I would be back the following week for another update, describing how impatient I have grown, how dilated I am (of course you want to know all the little details), and new belly pics exposing my super sized midsection. I had no idea how much my life would change the following week after that last post. Since then, my life has morphed into something I don't think I even have enough words to describe to you, Dear Reader. I can tell you this, unless you have a child of your own, you will never truly understand what I have experienced. I know, I know. I sound like an old woman lecturing their offspring about the reality of growing up and understanding life. But it is an honest statement. If you have a baby, you just get it.

As I sit here and type, my 12 pound, sweet, innocent, handsome baby boy is peacefully snoozing away in his Lambie Swing (a Godsent). He can swing in that bad boy until the cows come home...whatever that means. But you catch my drift. He LOVES swinging! Chase Michael Desmond was placed in my arms at 6:42pm on Monday November 9, 2009. It was the happiest day of my life. The second best day being the day I married my devilishly handsome husband, which is how we got into this situation in the first place. Anyways, back to my little man's big day.

My mother had stayed with us for a few nights since my Dad was out of town. It was Sunday night and we had watched movie after movie. I ate countless bags of popcorn and crushed several cans of ginger ale. Sprinkle a bunch of Halloween candy in there, and that was my last night before becoming a mother. As you know,I had been experiencing tons of false labor. We counted the contractions but it was nothing out of the ordinary at that point. We went to bed around midnight. I could not sleep to save my life. My contractions were becoming a little stronger as each hour went by. It was like nothing like I had ever felt before. It got to the point where I woke Matt up and told him that I felt strange. So we pulled out the IPhone and started tracking my contractions. ( ::side note:: those who are expecting, download the app for Contraction Master. It is awesome! You all knew I am ADD, right? If not, you sure as heck now know as I drift into other thoughts as I tell stories). Ok, so back to my contractions! This went on until about 3am when I stood up to use the restroom for the millionth time. As I rose out of bed, I felt a trickle. I got chills up and down my whole body as I wondered, "Could this be it? Is this my water breaking?" I opened my mouth to tell Matt what happened, and more trickled! This was it! It had to be! As this is happening, we hear my mother at 3am, making coffee in the kitchen. She must have sensed the big day was finally here. She has ESP like that. We scramble around gathering our hospital bag and pillows just like you see in the movies. We have been "prepared and packed" since 32 weeks, yet somehow when the real moment finally arrived, we ran around like chickens with their heads cut off! My mom squealed with excitement like a child on Christmas morning. I don't think I have ever seen that woman so alert that early in the morning. The three of us piled into my Honda Pilot and headed to Shady Grove Hospital at 4am on a Monday morning. During the 15 minutes it took to drive there, my contractions were growing much stronger. We were admitted immediately since my water had already broken. We couldn't believe we were finally about to meet our baby boy.

We called Matt's mom (Betty Lou aka BL) and my Dad to tell them the news. My Dad was in Clemson, SC and would need to catch a flight home A.S.A.P. BL headed straight to the hospital since she lives in Gettysburg and the awful rush hour traffic was due to begin within an hour or two. The nurses and doctor urged me to receive my epidural as soon as I started to feel the slightest discomfort. I wanted to hold off for as long as possible because a) I was scared to death of the epidural. I was more scared of that than actually pushing a 7-8 pound human out and b) I wanted to experience real labor contractions for as long as possible. You only do this a few times in your life. I was strangely curious about the pain level that everyone talks about. So I waited a few hours and endured some pretty strong contractions (or so I thought at that point). So we went ahead and called the anesthesiologist. He told me to bend over clenching a pillow and to keep my spine rounded. Oh yeah, and to pretty much stop breathing as he stuck me with the largest needle I have ever laid my eyes on. In my mind, one small flinch, and I would for sure be paralyzed for life. End of story. So I held my breath, squeezed the nurses hands with my sweaty paws, and prayed to God. Matt sat in the chair in front of me so he wouldn't see the needle. He gets a little weak in the knees around this sort of thing. Guess what? IT BARELY HURT! It felt like a lousy bee sting followed by the greatest warm and tingly sensation all over my whole body. It was a rush of relief minutes after injection. In fact, I felt so warm and fuzzy, I pulled out my gallon size Ziploc bag of MAC cosmetics and made myself over. A new Mom's gotta be ready to meet her little man, right? As I applied my makeup my mom and BL sat and talked and talked...and talked. Those two can chit chat all day long. And then some. Finally, feeling bad about it, we asked them to go in the waiting room. Ha. I felt guilty, but I needed some time to mentally prepare myself for the birth of our baby boy. I was starting to get butterflies in my tummy. I think I was finally realizing that the moment we have all been waiting for was finally here and I wanted to take it all in with my husband.

Matt and I tested out the epidural pump by pressing the button a few times to see how good I could feel. I was so scared to "OD" on the epi. Ha. Imagine that. The Pitocin drip started and HOLY HELL. It was labor time. The pain became pretty damn strong! Matt kept pressing the button the my epidural drip until we reached the maximum amount. That wasn't cutting it so I requested more pain relief. They injected an extra dose of the epidural and WHAM! I was numb from my chin to my toes. It was awful. I went from one extreme to another. I couldn't feel my chest rise and fall with each breath. I couldn't feel anything. When I put my hand on my chest or leg, it felt like I was touching someone else's body. It was awful. I hated every single second of it. I complained to Matt and the doctor begging them to make it go away. I would rather have pain then feel this numb. I felt claustrophobic, like I couldn't breathe. The doctor told me that it was going to have to just wear off on it's own. I had no choice but to deal with it. Eventually, after a few hours, it wore off. And when I tell you it wore off, it disappeared completely. There was no in between. We asked then to start up the epi drip again. Well, too late! I literally went from 100% numb all over, to totally feeling everything. NOTHING could relieve the pain I started to have with each contraction. The Pitocin was flowing and I was experiencing painful contractions every flipping 2 minutes with each contraction being a minute long. It was sort of like that feeling of when you are in the ocean, trying to swim to shore, with giant waves coming one after another. You can't catch your breath in time for the next one and you feel like you are drowning. Ok, imagine that, BUT A BILLION TIMES WORSE!

I finally met the "show" that everyone tells you about. I also began to vomit after every contraction. That was fun. The nurse smiled as she warned me, "Oh, Honey! Hang on tight, you are in your transition now!" For those of you who don't know what that means, it is the most intense part of your labor. It involves nausea, vomiting, cold and hot sweats, chills, and trembling all wrapped up with a big shiny bow. Just. For. You. I must say, Matt was the best! He put a cold wash cloth over my head every few minutes and held a bucket for me to hurl in. Ha. That is love at its finest, Folks. He cheered me on and coached me with my breathing. He would watch the screen and count down to the end of each contraction which made it more bearable. He was perfect in every way. He knew when to back off and when to hold my hand. He just knew how to take care of me during the toughest challenge of our lives.

Once Chase's head started crowning, it was go time. I didn't want to waste a single second of precious pushing time. I wanted to get down to business! I barely breathed in between pushes. I used every contraction to my advantage. I did not want to rest. I wanted to meet Chase once and for all. I beared down and pushed with everything I have inside of me. That is about the only good thing about being able to feel everything (even if you do endure the worst pain of your life), is that you know when to push and you can feel the progress you are making. Which in return, encourages you to get through it. The doctor kept telling me I could rest if I wanted. The hell with that, lady! They all coach you to push for 10 counts, I was pushing for 12 counts each and every time. I was determined to get this baby out!

Once his head and one shoulder was out, the doctor seemed alarmed. She said that his other shoulder was stuck and she was going to have to do an episiotomy. Since I could feel everything, she asked my permission first, which I thought was pretty courteous of her. I agreed, of course. What choice did I have? I held my breath as she did it. And then with a few more strong pushes, I did it! After sixteen hours of labor, one hour of rigorous pushing, the worst pain of my life, a second degree tear, Mr. Chase Michael Desmond was born into this world! He was finally here! He let out the sweetest cry I have ever heard in my life. We knew he was here safe and sound.

As they swooped him away to clear his throat, clean him off, and take his measurements, I saw my mom and BL crying with joy! They were in there the WHOLE TIME! I had no idea. They stood near the curtain where the door is and watched the whole thing. Oh well. I think somewhere around the vomiting, I lost all modesty. So in the end, I am kind of glad they got watch the birth of their grandson. What a tender experience.

I definitely made quite the impression on my doctor and the nurse staff. As the doc was performing the cross stitch down there, I asked her if my second baby would be easier to push out since I am no longer a rookie. She told me that she has NEVER had a new mother even entertain the idea of going through all of this over again, especially as they were being stitched back up. What can I say, I like a challenge! I was on top of the world.

Chase weighed in at 7 pounds, 12 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. The doctor mentioned that he was probably actually older in gestational age because he had already lost his vernix. Who would have thought I would have an overdue baby at the end of this whole saga? I am so blessed to have a healthy baby boy. I would do this over and over and over again for him. It was an amazing experience. One that I am eager to do all over again for a second baby. Don't worry. One is enough for right now. It is interesting to me that a mother can go through something so agonizing, yet we choose to do it several more times. I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. It is that painful. However, it is also so empowering and liberating. I honestly feel like I can accomplish anything in this world after growing a human being inside of me for 10 months and then giving birth pretty much naturally.

Here are a few pics of Chase's hat, blanket, and wrist bands that were set out moments before he was born. Talk about exciting! As the nurses put all of this on the table, it made us realize that there was going to be a little person wearing those soon enough:

And now, here are some fresh out of the oven pics:

Hello, World!

I'm a big boy!

It is so bright and chilly! Put me back in there!

Hi, Chase. I'm your Mommy!

Proudest moment of my life

Our very own little family that I can't get

enough of. God, I love these two!

Chase's stats

Grandma with her first Grandchild

Papa T with his first Grandchild

Grandmamom with her 6th Grandchild

38 weeks!!!

I can't believe I am 38 weeks pregnant! Whoa! We have been ready and waiting for a while now. I wish Baby Chase would just come already!

I have some belly pics and pumpkin pics for you. We carved pumpkins last night which was a lot of fun.

Well, I don't have any updates other than that we are growing quite impatient lately. We are too excited!

Our pumpkins:

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H1N1 vaccine

Well, after debating for months about whether or not I should get this H1N1 vaccine, I went ahead and did it.

My mom and I went to my weekly appointment yesterday. We were chatting with other women in the waiting room about the H1N1 vaccine. They both had gotten it already and were recommending that I get it as well. I thought, "oh, well. I have time to think about it. They don't even have it yet." Much to my surprise, when I went up to pay my $25 copay, I was asked if I would be getting the H1N1 vaccine today. I was shocked. I looked at my mom in doubt and we both sort of agreed that I needed to think about it. So I declined their offer and went back with the nurse for my appointment as usual. As the nurse checked my blood pressure, she strongly recommended that I get the vaccine immediately because it would provide Chase with immunity. He wont be able to be vaccinated until he is at least 6 months old. So this would be the only way for him to receive any form of immunity.

My doctor was stuck with a patient in the room next to me. I ended up sitting on the exam table for about 35 minutes waiting patiently to be seen. Meanwhile, my mom was in the waiting room chatting with some more women. There happened to be a pregnant woman my age sitting with her mom. The pregnant one was saying that she didn't feel comfortable getting the vaccine either. But her mom asked her what she would do if she got the swine flu and couldn't take care of her soon to be infant son? Or even worse, what if her son gets the swine flu? After that, the pregnant woman decided to go ahead and get the vaccination. That made my mom think harder about the whole situation. Once we got in the car, my mom told me about this other woman and her mom. We started talking about what I would do in that situation, if I were to get deathly sick and couldn't take care of Chase for weeks. Or if Chase got sick because I didn't get the vaccine. It definitely opened the door to perhaps leaning towards getting it after all.

I went home that night, researched online, talked to family, friends, and Matt. Everything we found online was supporting the fact that I should get it since I am pregnant.

Matt and I weighed my fears about this vaccine and the virus:

a) me having a weird reaction to the vaccine

b) Chase being negatively impacted by the vaccine

Vs.

c) me getting deathly ill from the swine flu before or after I have Chase (if I got sick after, I wouldn't be able to be around Chase)

d) Chase getting the swine flu

This made me realize that the second set of fears are more realistic and scary than the first set.

So, on this day, October 28th 2009, I got my H1N1 vaccine! And I have to be honest with you, I feel much better about my decision now that it is a done deal. I can't imagine not getting it at this point. I would have been terrified this next 6 months. I am proud of our decision. I wish it worked immediately, but it takes almost 2 weeks to work. I figure even if Chase were to come this weekend, it is still worth getting. I am still going to be a maniac with Lysol, hand sanitizer and washing our hands all of the time. But at least I know I am doing everything in my power to protect our son.

Well, that is my big day today! Til next time!

Full Term!!!!!!!! 37 weeks and 1 day

You could probably hear a collective sigh of relief around the state of Maryland this past weekend. We made it to full term! Finally!

I had my doc appointment last Tuesday which did not turn out as expected. I found out that my platelet level is too low. They told me that it was well below the norm and that there would be a chance that I might not be able to have an epidural or a c-section. So that would leave me with only one option- NATURAL childbirth. That is an idea that I have never even entertained. Especially considering that Chase is sunny side up, which is next to impossible for someone my size to deliver vaginally anyways. They tested my blood again to see if it got any lower. If it did, then they would probably treat me with steroids. Luckily, the nurse called me on Thursday and let me know that my platelet level went up a tad bit and they would just keep watching it. It is still not near normal, but I guess it is acceptable for now. So it sounds like I will be tested each week. I know it is routine to test your platelets before you receive an epidural in the hospital anyways.

I also found out that I have an overactive thyroid which is probably caused by the pregnancy. They are going to watch it instead of treating it since I am so close to delivering. My iron level is okay, so we are good to go there. I just have to keep taking iron supplements.

So let me tell you, this week's belly picture sent me into a crying fit. I can't believe I am this huge! I am so blessed to be carrying a child, don't get me wrong. However, I can't help the fact that I am so grossed out by my appearance. No amount of make up, hair product, or clothes can make me look attractive these days. I know it comes with the territory of being in the last few weeks of pregnancy, but it is starting to get to me. My hands are so swollen that they are painful. I can't feel my fingertips anymore. It hurts to hold a pen or silverware. I can barely make a fist. I am starting to have painful pelvic pressure, which leads me to believe we are close to the end. It feels like I am bruised down there. I hope this means Chase is making his way down!

Yesterday I had an insane amount of energy! I baked a dozen blueberry muffins, made homemade beef stew, baked buttermilk biscuits, did three loads of laundry, folded and put away all of the extra bed linens for both bedrooms, put groceries away, cleaned, and went for a long walk with Matt and Bailey. The scary thing was that I was still energized at the end of the day! I am in nesting mode. But today it is Sunday, and I can't find anything to do around the house. Everything is done and ready for our little bundle of joy to arrive!

I am so bored that I can hardly take it anymore! I would like to go shopping or go get a manicure and pedicure. But I am too nervous because of the germs out there. Every single day on the news, they are talking about the swine flu and it's deadly effect of pregnant women. Grrrrrreat! They show "swine flu victims" every hour on TV on ventilators fighting for their lives. Just what I want to hear. So basically, I am better off being bored in my house safe from the germs. Not to mention that I can't drive anymore because my belly sticks out too far which creates a problem with my short legs being able to reach the pedals. So I just stay home and call it a day. Maybe I can vacuum again! Or dust! YES! That is what I will do! I am starting to scare Matt with my cleaning obsession.

Ok, people...be honest....I know you just want to gasp in disbelief at how HUGE I am, so here is your chance! Enjoy!

36 weeks 2 days

I haven't written in a while. Mainly because I have been so stressed out that I didn't want to talk about it. But now that I am nearly full term ::high five:: I am ready to chat again! I can't believe we made it this far! I am so blessed! I have the most supportive family ever! For the past month, my Mom has come over every single day to take care of me. I wasn't allowed to get up except to use the restroom and take a quick shower. So she would come over, make me breakfast, lunch, snacks, etc. While it was frustrating and exhausting to be in the bed all day everyday, in a strange way, it was a time that I will cherish forever. Being with my mom was so comforting. We watched A Baby Story, Bringing Baby Home, Deliver Me in the mornings, and then starting at 2pm, we would watch Ellen, Dr. Oz, and Oprah. We made lists of things that needed to get done before Chase comes, we ordered our PeaPod groceries, we ate lots of food, and we just talked. She also drives me to every single doctor's appointment now- which has been twice a week lately. I am so very grateful for our relationship. She is my best friend! I couldn't have gotten through this time without her. Matt has also been above and beyond any husband that I could imagine! He has been so positive and supportive. He rubs my feet when they hurt. He brings me something to eat in bed before he leaves for work early in the morning. He has kept the house clean since I have been on bedrest. He put together all of Chase's swings, pack and play, toys, etc. Not to mention the support of the rest of the family! Wow! I am one lucky lady!

Well, I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and will find out if I am still anemic (I have been taking extra iron supplements, so hopefully it will be okay) and whether I have a thyroid issue. I am most curious to see if I have made any progress since last week. I was 80% effaced and 2 cm dilated last week. For the first time in 9 months, I hope I have made some more progress! I am so swollen and puffy, you wouldn't recognize me. Being on strict bedrest for over 4 weeks, and moderate bedrest before that was very tough on my body. I feel so lethargic and out of breath. After I shower, I have to sit down and rest for 10 minutes before I can put lotion on and get dressed. I can't even reach my calves anymore. I can't remember the last time I could reach my feet! Matt had to put my socks and Uggs on for me the other day. It was sad.

Well, I am going to show you the latest pictures of Chase. I think these are the last ones we have until we get to greet him in person! I also have pictures of the nursery. I PROMISE to post pics of my belly this week.

Have you ever seen such a cute little face in an ultrasound?

32 weeks

Chase kissing the placenta! LOL

32 weeks

This was from 34 weeks

34 weeks- at this doc appointment, Chase was already measuring 5lb 11oz on the growth scan ultrasound!!!!

34 weeks

Here is our little man's room:

I designed his bedding

This is the pillow that Cousin Meghan made and brought over from Ireland just for Baby Chase

Cousin Kristen had this cute basket made

Showered with gifts

My parents just brought over some of the gifts from the shower today for us to open! Well, Matt and my mom opened then as I watched from the couch and OMG! I am so excited! I can't believe all of these generous gifts! It brightened our spirits and reminded us of all of the love we have around us!

Excuse the lack of makeup! My medicine makes my skin flushed so it feels like and looks like I have bad case of sunburn. Plus, I have had a rough weekend! But here I am sitting with the gifts and couldn't be more excited to open them up!

So excited!

Clemson gear from Papa T (Grandpa)

Pre-term labor, and other complications at 32 weeks

Thursday night was a normal night. Chase was moving and shaking in my belly up until midnight when I went to bed. I woke up on Friday for my regular weekly OB appt and noticed that Chase wasn't moving and my stomach was as hard as a rock. I also had terrible cramps. I drank an ice cold gatorade and laid on my left side, like the docs tell you to do for decreased fetal movement. I couldn't feel him once and my stomach was still as hard as a rock.

So I asked the doctor at my 10:30am appointment and he send me right over to Labor and Delivery at the hospital. He wanted me to be put on the fetal heart rate monitor and contraction monitor. I called Matt and he walked over from his work (he works in the hospital). We both were thinking that we would be out of there in an hour and everything would be fine. Well much to my surprise, the reason that I wasn't feeling Chase move was because he was being smooshed by my contractions. This is my first baby, so I didn't know what contractions felt like. Mine were getting up to every 1-2 minutes. The nurse came in and said, "Honey! You are in preterm labor!" They quickly gave me 2 injections of Terbutaline (which is supposed to help stop preterm labor) which made my heart race over 140 and didn't even keep the contractions down. So they switched to Procardia which is another medication to slow down contractions. I had one dose (10 mg) , then double dose (20 mg) at 6pm. They discharged me later that night, around 8:30pm or so, with an RX of the 20 mg to take every 6 hours.

We went home and I took the 20 mg Procardia and felt like crap- still contracting, migraine headache, racing heart, hot flushed skin, itchy hands and feet. I hadn't slept because of the contractions so I finally woke Matt up around 2:30 and said we need to go to the hospital! We rushed out the door and arrived at Shady Grove Hospital at 3am Saturday and was there for about 12 hours. I am dilated 1 cm already. The doc said that because I am so petite, my little body might do better with 10 mg every 4 hours. They gave my first shot of steroid for Chase's lungs, discharged me for the night around 3pm or so (it was another long day in the hospital), and said I had to go back at 7am this am (Sunday) for the second shot just in case he comes early.

So, just as we think this is under control....we wake up (after not sleeping too well) and leave the house at 6:30am for the second steroid shot. I told the nurse when we got there that I couldn't shake this flushed feeling and I didn't feel great from the Procardia. I was due to take my dose at 7am, so I swallowed it right before I had my second steroid injection. Well, as soon as the nurse injected me in my hip, WHAM! My heart goes up to close to 170 and wont come down. I started trembling and shaking. They had to do an EKG and had me on full blown oxygen. They said I have Tachycardia and that I am in the grey area of having a hyperthyroid (low TSH level prob caused by pregnancy). This is probably why my heart is racing in reaction to these meds. They want to see how it goes and test my TSH levels again in about 3 weeks. We were finally discharged (for the 3rd time in one weekend) just now and I am on strict bed rest and have to drink at least 3 liters of water a day. That is going to keep my uterus more relaxed and reduce contractions.

So now I am on 10 mg of Procardia every 5 hours and hopefully, he said they may reduce to every 6 hours next week if all goes well. Maybe I will even be weaned off of it in the next few weeks. We need to do everything we can to keep him safe inside my belly for 4 more weeks! The he can come out and play! The side effects suck but it is part of the journey I have to go on to bring Chase into this world safe and sound. So if itchy, tingly hands and feet, fast pulse, hot flashes, flushed skin, and headaches will do that, I am in! I don't like it one bit, but I can do it.

I am so blessed to have such a loving and supportive husband and family. I couldn't do this without them. Matt was by my side the whole weekend reassuring me that everything would be fine. He was scared to death, just as I was, but he really stayed strong and determined to get through this. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He is my rock.

Our families are so great! My mom still threw my baby shower today even though I couldn't make it there. All of my aunts, female cousins, their kids, inlaws, grandparents, etc are there celebrating our little man. It makes me happy to know that this many people are excited about his arrival! My mother in law brought some of the catered food over that I was so excited to have at the shower. We had Panera, so I had to have a doggy bag of my own.

My mom is going to come over tomorrow while Matt is at work and bring some of the gifts from the shower for us to open. She is going to stay with me all day and keep me company. I am so happy that she lives so close (10 mins) and that she can be here with me during this scary time.

Ok, I just took another pill and I am going to try and take a nap. I will update you all after my appointment with the high risk doctor on Tuesday.